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Monthly Archives: June 2012

Growing Up

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Growing Up

Alone time. I’ve missed having coffee at Starbucks. I miss the time in my life where I could afford to waste one day just because I was certain there was gonna be tomorrow. I would spend the whole day malling and/or smoking. And the days went by just like that and I wouldn’t be bothered. Now, it seems like I have to do something productive before the day ends. And gone are the days when you can just call up a friend to have coffee. Our schedules would not permit that kind of luxury anymore. I call it luxury now, because it used to be something so easy then. And just like anything  else that is taken away from our everyday lives, we start appreciating it. 

And here I thought growing up was what I wanted so bad. The truth? I’d rather be young and naive. When my only responsibilities were to get okay grades and not go to the principal’s office, or worse, to jail. When having a job simply meant going to work everyday and getting paid so we can eat and buy things we need. No one ever imagined the details of the daily struggles of having a job until we entered the real world. When truly loving someone and being truly loved in return wasn’t as important, when sex was a funny thing and not even thought of as something that “cured” loneliness sometimes. When we thought there can only be one “the one”, thinking this person will come along with that label on their foreheads so things will no doubt be easy. After all, That person is designed to fit our ideals, we assume. Only to learn later on in life we actually create “the one” – not just through love (love alone really is not enough sometimes). But through compromise, and mostly never ending patience. And the choice we make over and over to stick with that person. 

Growing up, well, has its advantages and disadvantages. You have more money yet lesser time. Although this is not true for everyone. Sometimes it means more time yet lesser money. Sometimes more money and more time. And sometimes lesser money and lesser time. Along with the wrinkles under our eyes, unwanted are the realism and the bitterness. But these are necessary to survive in the cruel world. And these are things life has taught us. It takes years to learn precious lessons. We get to know ourselves better everyday, through life’s “arranged coincidences”. The choices we make define who we are, and we are meant to have a few regrets and what ifs. Imagine if you didn’t, what will you have to ponder on as an old person? Wouldn’t that mean you never learned anything through the course of life? I don’t know about you, but I think those are necessary so we can have something to leave to our imaginations later on in life, so that we can have certain memories that try to convince us “that could’ve been good”, or “that would’ve been the right thing to do then”, but we made a different choice and what really happened were things that were truly meant to happen so we can get to know ourselves.

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Here goes my parents’ old friends again, asking when we are getting married as if it’s any of their business. My mom thinks people care, that’s why they ask. But I’m not convinced that’s the reason why they ask. People are likely prying and hoping to get some sort of misery from others’ answers so they can feel better about their own lives. Am I wrong to think this way? Probably. Is it our fault that my grandpa can’t be a great grandpa because we refuse to get hitched? I mean really, is it that big of a deal? I understand my parents want grandchildren so bad, but it’s not happening. Should we go ahead and be baby-bearing machines just to fulfill their wants? It’s too selfish that I want to live on my own terms. But isn’s it selfish of them to want me to live according to their “plans”? Tsk3.