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Monthly Archives: August 2012

Bottom line: We are all going to die.

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I attended Aimee’s wedding today. And because I didn’t want to depress my parents, I told them I was going to a wake because someone’s dad had passed away. It’s not a complete lie, as someone I know’s father really passed away. But it’s still a lie, because I was at a wedding. I felt bad having to lie, but I had no choice because I wanted to spare their feelings. Why do I care so much? I hate it sometimes. Arriving there, the mass had already started. I guess it can be so overwhelming, seeing Aimee and Joseph so happy with the finality of their wedding. At last, they can now refer to each other as “my wife/husband”, and no longer will Aimee be in the hot seat when the topic of marriage arises. She is now part of that group that can no longer be picked on because she is at last, normal. God, you know how much I hate that word. But behind the smiles and the glamour of this day, which obviously will be special forever to them, what is really in store for them? Love that is happy and pure need not a certification stating you are one, you can be one if you so choose to. But yes, the legality, the blessing, the benefits, and the glaring spotlight that is so annoying if you are single at this age finally shifting to someone else… This is the “next step”. And people keep wanting to have a next step to feel like they’re making progress in life. My problem is that it never ends. Single? Get a boyfriend. Got a boyfriend? Get married. Got married? Have babies. Got babies? Send them to the best schools and work like slaves for them for decades. Kids off to college? Quit your job and get a hobby. Quit your job? Get another one to avoid getting senile. Got a hobby? What are you gonna do about it? I mean people just don’t know where to stop!p, it seems. If not for the desperation to fit in and be normal to society, what do we really want? Is everyone destined to walk the same path? I got emotional at the wedding ceremony, with the music and Aimee’s smile that seemed so… Happy. And I truly felt happy for my dear friend, I was bursting with happiness and I was thrilled for her. But that is all that there is, the spotlight on her for the day, where everything is perfect. Even just for a day. I’m not the type who’s had dreams of walking down the aisle since I was a little girl. In fact, that never even crossed my mind. Am I abnormal? Does it make me less of a person because I don’t want what most people want? My mom says that’s what human beings do, it’s the normal thing to do. How come I don’t feel the urge for it? There are other things that are of higher priority, I feel like, and I am not in any way belittling the effort it takes to maintain a marriage, I feel like there is so much to be done in this life time. To help make the world a better place, to fight for a cause you believe in, travel wherever you can go, look at the world and simply, be happy, according to your own terms. Some might ask, and what do you get from traveling and all those things? In the end, you just die, and all those trips won’t matter to anyone. But that’s exactly the point, if you do all those things just to fit in to the norms, someday we are all going to die. And that’s the bottom line of it all. Someday, we will all die and the world will go on as if you never existed. Whitening products will still keep coming out, people will still be fussing over 7-eleven’s slurpee. Those who love you will mourn, and they will remember you, but nothing you did or didn’t do will matter anymore. So while we’re here, we might as well do what we really fancy. There will be no time to regret because we are all going to die. Well this is a depressing post. 

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The worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you’re okay.

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