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Monthly Archives: April 2013

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Kenny fought a long and hard battle before passing on. He is a wise and brave dog, I know he tried to fight for his life despite being in the pain he was in. From puppy to a real handsome gentleman, indeed. And the reason I am posting this here is because I want to brag about Kenny and his bravery to my whole world. To tell people who think “it’s just a dog” that you cannot be more wrong to even think that. Losing them can be like losing family, how can you see someone everyday for years, decades and be nonchalant about losing them? I don’t understand this kind of apathy.  But hopefully I am not surrounded by people who think like that. 

To Kenny!

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I tried to work on something at Bo’s. But this guy kept trying to talk to me despite the fact that I had earphones on. I thought that was rude and annoying. So I left and stopped for gas on the way home. I ended up going to St. Therese church, I liked the serenity of the place, but some dog was howling like crazy but it didn’t bother me a bit. I sat for a while, talked to Him and sat in silence some more. I liked that. It is kind of chaotic inside my head right now.

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I think I finally found myself. I finally realized that our story might really be over… And I’m okay with it. Not that I wouldn’t be heart broken, we spent 9 years together after all. You’ve seen me grow into the person that I am today, and so have I, with you. I’m finally realizing that maybe we are not going into the same directions in life? I used to beat myself up for not being what you need, but maybe the right person will be a better fit for us. I am quite tired of feeling inadequate, and also feeling like what I offer is never enough. But maybe we are just wrong for each other, that’s why we feel this way. You know? I no longer believe we are right for each other, I used to be so sure, but now I’m convinced that maybe we’re just not. It will hurt like hell, but somehow I know everything will be okay. We are going into different directions, we are not growing together the way we planned and that’s life. This decision did not come over night. I have been analyzing, over analyzing, even. I think I know deep down that it was over in 2008. But I wanted to make it work, I wanted this love so bad so I convinced myself that it will be okay. But I have not forgotten, nor have I really forgiven you and Mickey. Even after 5 years, the pain is still so fresh. That says a lot. I will never trust you like that again and the consequences still live on up until this day and it’s as tiring for me as it is for you.  I think we are just not right for each other anymore… As painful as it is.

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That was liberating. Going on a trip alone. Bittersweet though, upon leaving. I liked not having plans, I liked just doing whatever I felt like doing for the day. The worst part was the last day of it, when I realized I had to get back to reality very soon. Very thankful for the experience nonetheless, that I have to do it again. I plan to do one every six months. Is that too much? Nah, I don’t think so.  I think it’s so refreshing and liberating!!