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Monthly Archives: May 2013

Words Are Cheap

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I just got off the phone with a dear friend, I just found out her girlfriend of 5 years has broken up with her via the internet, and cut off their communication so abruptly and just left her bleeding like that. I think it’s safe to say the girlfriend cheated on my friend prior to breaking up with her. Of course, we are human beings, we are selfish we want to take care of our security and needs first. So by the time my friend got dumped, days later there were already prenuptial pictures on Facebook, the girlfriend was marrying the guy after merely two months of dating.  That couldn’t have happened over night! The guy turns out to be the girlfriend’s step brother. Isn’t that lovely? Father and son, mother and daughter. Okay maybe I am taking sides, of course I am! I’ve known B since high school and even though we don’t talk often she is one of the few people I consider to be a real friend.  I feel sorry for her, that the blow had to be so big and from out of nowhere it seems. She couldn’t have anticipated it, because the whole time they were apart they were consistently in touch and sweet and all that. But I guess that’s it, words are just words, words are cheap. How many times have we been let down because of stupid words? I have many personal stories of my own, because I hold on to words too dearly when I shouldn’t. But I cannot help it, I figure I shouldn’t change how I am just because people are fucked up. I should just meet someone who can stay true to their words. That’s rare.

Love is an act, it’s not a feeling, it’s not something you say, but it’s something you act out and it’s in the things we do everyday that we can prove its existence. It’s not enough to just say “I love you”, we have to act it out.

It makes me realize how precious love is when we have it. 

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No matter how cute someone is, someone out there is tired of their shit. I’m tired of 32’s shit, just as 32 is with mine. We have so much shit going on. Haha. It’s almost amusing.

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As it turns out, I haven’t been writing for a while now. I want to, and every time I have ideas in my head I am too lazy to write them down thinking I would remember them the next time I want to write. Of course I’m always wrong. Laziness is always a wrong route, it makes us lose ideas and sometimes opportunities. I am working on it, though. At the back of my head I know I’ve lost some really great ideas but no one else can be blamed for it but me. But it’s time to move on. I will have other things to write about I will jot them down right away the moment it pops into my mind.

As it turns out, there is nothing interesting in my life to write about, even. Have I grown weary to the point of being comfortable with ordinary? My life is far from ordinary, though. I am struggling on a daily basis just like any other person. So my life is ordinary in that context. I’m not that special, I’m not spared of the challenges that come in different forms for everyone. That’s a relief, actually. I was starting to think the universe is out to get me. And I will not comfort myself by saying someone else has it worse than I do, that is out right insulting and arrogant. Today one of my clients liked the eyebrows that I did on her, and she had to get permission from her husband to have them done permanently. And the husband’s caucasian friend was joking about how she was asking for approval, showing him means she needed the money and then they all laughed out loud, including my client who was fake laughing for sure. I want to say that I really didn’t enjoy that. I fake laughed along with her but was not pleased that a woman’s self worth had to be sought from another person and in that way. This is why I encourage women to have jobs and their own sources of income, because at some point our expenses that have to do with our self worth will be questioned and that has to be one of the frustrating moments in life. She said she would call me, I think she needed to talk to the husband first. Oh well.

Then at work I am also somewhat struggling with the transition phase that we are going through, because I want to take on a different direction and it is quite different from the way we have been operating in the last 26 years, so it is a big risk and I am going to be responsible for it if anything goes wrong. I don’t know if my proposal is right, but I got the approval and am now questioning my own decisions. What if I screw up? I think I haven’t admitted this to anyone but I am scared deep inside, maybe I’m incapable that’s why I want to have it easier. But I really want to make a change, make it my way. I am thankful for the trust that management has bestowed upon me but I am also scared of making the wrong decision and dealing with the possible consequences. I am going through a big transition phase at work and I am guiding all the people who want to come along with me. Maybe I should ask Luke for his opinion on the matter. And ask him I did, will now wait for his response.

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Love is not rare. Unconditional love is.