I can’t believe that I am about to write something that I don’t think I will ever show you. For the first time ever, I have lost confidence that I can tell you anything and everything. For the first time ever, I have lost faith in us being able to make it as we talked about. I guess sometimes plans will end up being just that, plans. I am wondering if I was right all along about relationships. First come the sparks, then when they die down, everything else does too, including the will. And I don’t know why for some silly reason I thought we would be different. Oh well.
I don’t feel like talking to you just as much as you don’t feel like talking to me. No, that’s not true. I actually think you don’t feel like talking to me more, and I’m done reaching out or trying to reassure you when clearly you don’t really give a damn at this point, whatever it is you’re going through. Speaking of what you’re going through, what is that? Is this the real you that I’m seeing or just the one that I did not see when I first knew you? Honestly right now I don’t think I know who you really are. In the beginning, you spoke of such beautiful things about me, and how I made you feel. With how you’re treating me since yesterday, and it’s hard not to take it personal (IF this is your personal struggle), I can only suspect that:
a. the magic has faded
b. I am no longer having that effect on you
c. there is someone else
d. I’m going nuts
It has to be one of the four options. I would go crazy without any answers, you know? I am deleting my account that has posts on how I met you, and certain feelings involving our early days. I don’t think there is a point keeping all those ugly things and emotions there only to remind me of how ugly and beautiful at the same time things used to be between us. It is going downhill. This is what I anticipate for every relationship. Except it is happening too soon for us. Don’t you think?
Instead of writing you I’m going to send this off to cyberspace other than your inbox. You might be right, if you don’t fix this, there will be no more left of our relationship soon because I will reach my limit at one point.
I think I’m just doing to go with letter d. I do want to make this work, but I know better now. No begging for love under any circumstance, for it must be given freely.
I’m just going to get some rest for now.