Today really put things into perspective. Last night I had trouble sleeping and then just earlier today, I woke up to my 5am alarm and snoozed until 5:47 a.m. I then bathed, changed, ate an egg sandwich, an orange, took 1000 mg of vitamin C. I am getting ready for Sinulog. This yearly affair that used to be fun and filled with excitement.
Just two years ago, the same day as today, me and my friends had matching shirts. Before hitting the streets, we had taken tons of pictures in our living room, and it was a time of belonging in a group whose friendship seemed so strong that it felt like nothing could tear us apart. Today, I prepared for the day in complete silence. I ate my sandwich and am grateful for Diego and Grumpy’s company. There was no one there. That was when I realized, things have really changed.
The person who spent each Sinulog with me in the past 9 years is no longer with me. The friend who has always, always been by my side is now with her significant other for other priorities, and the person I should be spending it with is in another country wishing just as bad to be here during this time. I had planned to walk alone to where the performers are, but the strong wind and dust is making it impossible for me to get out of the car. I would get blind from it, and it is very cold out and all I have is a jacket that is as thin as paper.
So now I have to wait it out. Or I could walk to 7-eleven and have coffee because I think I only got 2 hours sleep last night and somehow I expect to last the day. I look like a zombie, and my body is sore and most importantly my eyes are so heavy. This time of the day when I should be walking towards Mango Avenue, I am here writing this instead, and I had to because the realization of it really struck me amidst the defeaning silence.
Need to do a power nap. Now.
— @ 7:38 am