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Too Much Carbs Today

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The weather is nice today. We went to Carrefour, I got behind the wheel and really enjoyed it. I bought some mini sausages for dinner, because I still had left over rice from the chicken rice topping from lunch. The rice is so good. Then I realized I got cheese flavored hotdogs, not sausages. That didn’t go too well with the rice, in my opinion. Then my aunt fried some fish and made some fish soup, so I saved the little rice I had left and ate fish with it. That was good. Then my uncle bought some 豆花, which is a dessert made with very soft tofu with red beans. I just had it, too. I am very full at the moment.

My mom also made fresh fruit juice, but my belly is too full. I cannot take any more.

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Arrived at Kaohsiung today. The weather is perfect. I hear it’s cold in Taipei, though. Glad we won’t be going there until much later this week. I am feeling a little immature lately about my friendships. I think I am too attached or dependent and getting too affected? I usually refuse to let anyone affect me in that way but in this case, it already has. I will work through it. It’ll be fine. I just need to remind myself that the only person whom I can fully trust and rely on is myself. That’s about it.

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I am at the airport right now waiting for boarding. Our flight has been delayed to 6:30. One hour, not so bad compared to my sister’s flight last night which was delayed for 2 whole hours. I am sad to be leaving at a time like this when I feel like I could and should be doing things to help out. But it’s my grandfather’s birthday and it’s the third birthday since he passed away so I have to go home and pay a visit.

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Our renovation for the barbershop is finally going to start tonight. Their uniforms are on hold because there is power blackout in the whole of Bohol and Ingrid is not able to do anything. That’s frustrating, I will have to decide in a bit if I’m going through with her or not. I am very excited about the outcome. But with so many tragedies this year, I hope everything will go well and as planned.

You’re Doing It Wrong

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I just realized I never want kids and it’s because of how we are brought up by my mother. It’s final and it feels good to be free from that pressure!

It’s traumatizing for me being a child.

Right now I want to shoot myself in the head because of my mother. It seems like she gave birth to us expecting us to live for her. She is hindering us from feeling happy without being aware. Our maybe she’s aware but doesn’t give a damn.
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We are all above 30 years of age, and we don’t even get to have our own lives.  It’s so hard to be grateful right now. I realized I’m not happy with my life, but I can’t tell her that because of her efforts in loving us as a mother.  It’s tricky. But I believe I am so weak that I can be guilted into staying and being stuck here. I’m actually not unhappy with my job, but she’s making me unhappy being here.

I want to check myself in to a mental institute in Taiwan. Just to be free from her. It’s the only valid reason.  If not death.

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I guess it’s time to make an update.

With recent events, I have to firstly express how saddened I am about the situations affected by typhoon Yolanda. I feel helpless. But we will be doing our part tomorrow in sending relief goods. The problem now is how the goods will get to the people, since reaching them is the biggest problem right now.

I heard there is another one coming in. Not a big one. But still. I hope it won’t hurt any more people. It’s overwhelming, the help we will be getting from other countries. I sincerely hope all the help will reach the victims. Because whoever takes advantage of situations like these will go straight to hell. Yes, I dare say that!

Speaking of that, someone posted that the Philippines is getting punished for tolerating homosexuality, prostitution and such. What an ignorant asshole. That makes me mad.

I’m also struggling with something in my personal life right now. But it’s probably just my paranoia doing the work. So I won’t entertain the thought much. But I think it’s safe to say I hate being lied to, I mean I guess everyone does it but finding out the truth later is another thing.

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This is why I think one must never make big promises early on in a relationship. At least, wait until you get to know the other person before you say things like you want to spend your life with them. When they’re beautiful, they’re ugly, too. And be sure you know all their ugly and accept them before making commitments that will get thrown back at your face when you request for time apart after a big fight.

I think you are finally seeing, or starting to see the ugly in me. Not quite the princess you put on a pedestal, aren’t I. I’m self absorbed, insecure, paranoid, and have difficulty focusing on the present like you said because I let the past distract me.

I thought I knew better by now. I really did… Apparently, I have a lot to learn. I’m scared that you will just turn out to be one of those people who came into my life to give me lessons, because I had secretly hoped you were the one. But I guess that’s life. We really don’t get to say what we want we can get.

Time apart?  Yeah, it might be good for us. It’s time I stopped trying so hard. If you still can’t see that I’m for real, after all this time then I really want to give up on this and set you free so you can be happy. Isn’t that grand? I have to be heroic, because if being with me is that tiring, you really deserve something better.

Okay, well, good night, whale. I miss that bitch from Plurk who used to say that.